Who needs a map??

So let's say you've just won a free overnight stay to the Holiday Inn in downtown Buffalo, NY. And let's just say, that you took, oh I don't know..your mother for the ride. And- maybe throw in the fact that 5pm is now dark...oh...and you've got two different ways to get to the hotel.
Getting to the border was a piece of cake, customs - easy! Then comes the drive (this is the part where you hear dun-dun-DUN in creepy music!) one set of directions says no high way driving involved, but as luck turned out... you end up on the I90, so you quickly switch to the 2nd set of instructions that says to take exit 51. Let's just say you pass signs that say "Buffalo Downtown" exit 6 or 8. But you've got the hotel map saying exit 51. So you keep on driving.
Turns out..you pass a burning house (I'm not kidding!) and watch firemen frantically try to douse the flames. You pass the airport...you start to see signs about an upcoming toll booth..your mother starts to say stuff like "'uh isn't this the way to Florida?" Then finally *phew* your exit is the LAST one before the toll booth!
So, once we get to our exit, piece of cake again, a couple quick turns and bingo! There it is!! As you are getting out the the car, your mom notices a domed building that's lit up, and she says "Hmm, you know- you can see these lights from the bridge- I always thought it was Buffalo as soon as you crossed the border! These lights must be on all branches of the bank?!"
The room is nice. The hotel is nice...the food is amazing :) You order a Philly Steak Sandwich and your mom has a burger. For a treat you order Strawberry Daquiris (yummy) which turned out to equal the same amount as your dinner! But since there was no drink menu, you had no way to know! Then you watch some tv, have a hot chocolate and some cookies then hit the sack. In room coffee in the morning was a treat! Breakfast was DIVINE. Once again...great food.
Then comes the time to verify the directions back home- since you had two sets to get there, but none to get back. As you approach the front desk... you ask the clerk what's the fastest way to get back to the Peace Bridge? And the shuttle driver looks at you kinda funny. He turns around and points through the glass windows at the front of the hotel and says "Do you see those lights right there?" to which you answer "yes", then he says, "turn left and stay straight. If you drive for more than 2 min's you'll hit the water". You look at him amazed, and a little embarassed...but you think to yourself...he doesn't know where you've come from...so no worries! "Ok thanks!" you say, and head out.
Turns out...the first set of directions was right! You did take the scenic route :) Total time there from home: about an hour. Total time back to home: not even 35 :) And those lights that mom saw, yup, same ones!

But at least YOU have a good story to tell :) And you can't even say you're from OHIO!!

Good thing that didn't happen to me!

So what if I am??

Today is “Buy-Nothing” Day.

But I'm not promising anything.I've chanted the slogans, stuck the stickers, signed up for the newsletters...but I harbour a dirty, nasty, little secret.

I'm a materialist. And a hedonistic one at that!

I love Stuff. Stuff makes me happy. Stuff fulfils me. I lay oblations at the altar of Stuff. Stuff is what rips me awake before the sun has even brushed it's teeth, and steels me to face the Schlep of Formal Employment. Stuff is honest. You buy it and it's yours, for as long as you want it. Stuff doesn't tell you that it's confused. Stuff doesn't have issues. When Stuff malfunctions, you fix it or you discard it, guilt free. And if you experience a breakdown in communication with Stuff, you don't have to 'talk about it', you just go out and buy an upgrade.
So I'm a mindless consumer. Self-confessed. So what?
Four billion happy shoppers can't be wrong.

a One?

Is there one that moves me
To depths of perilous desire?
Is there one that raises me
To the heights I do aspire?

And with his soul poetic,
His words; they echo mine,
Could he be some forgotten twin
I meet now by fate's design?

Poker Update

Ok folks, here comes the run down of this weeks poker game...It was INTENSE! But before we get to the juicy stuff, I have to announce that I have finally found a name for myself...it's "You-should-be-a-dealer". Everybody kinda called me that from the beginning, but I wanted a more clever name, turns out...I really should be the dealer!
So..the players last evening were: Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up (and she lived up to her name yet again!), You-can't-take-my-pinkies, You're-not-doing-that-right, and You-should-be-a-dealer. Also on location was Resident-Advisor, Snacks-a-lot and Ahh-don't-bug-me! (who before now was only mentioned as You-can't-take-my-pinkies husband.
And the games begin. We had some high stakes going on last night...we even added a $5 chip. Ohh, the tension! It was great :) Ok so, I won the first few rounds, and people started to think I was cheating- which I WASN'T- so, You-can't-take-my-pinkies and I rotated deals for a bit. But turns out, I'm just a better player ;)
So I won heaps of chips, and You-can't-take-my-pinkies was getting sour...but then, luck turned...and You're-not-doing-that-right was up. The chips in front of Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up were getting pretty slim. We had made a rule this time about no sharing chips. So it was touch and go for her!
The game turned again, and we were all pretty even across the board, and that's when You-can't-take-my-pinkies decided it was time to leave. Instead of evenly dividing up the chips..she passed them all to You're-not-doing-that-right! Can you believe it!!
Then the real drama began: You-should-be-a-dealer was down to only three 50 cent chips...Yup, you read that right...broke! The last round of betting was at $35 and I lost! The winner of that round - You're-not-doing-that-right was so excited-- that she had to call You-can't-take-my-pinkies at home!!
The best part was Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up was winning..and with big hands. She was laying down flushes like there was no tomorrow! I was so happy for her! and she killed with the chips!
We could see the chips moving their way around the table.
It was fair game for everybody, but then I started to win smaller pots, and next thing you know, I had a HUGE stack of chips in front of me again!
We decided to end play at midnight, and the last two hands I was delt a pair of aces- that's when the intensity started again. You know they've got good hands when they whip out the $20 bets on the first round of betting!!
So to end the story I KILLED! And when I wanted to call You-can't-take-my-pinkies- all of a sudden it was too late!
That's it till next week!

Irregardless

Why is it that people feel the need to use words that don't even exist in the English language? I mean, we have a LOT of words..why don't you use one that actually means something? In fact, you can even use regardless...that is what your trying to say anyways! Let me show you how: You will do what you want to do regardless of what people say. See..if you say irregardless..it means nothing. Nothing!!

Just like the people so say 'F-ustrating"...I just want to toss a dictionary at them and say "Look it up! There's an 'r' !!" At least they use the word correctly! Ohh...then there's the people who say 'suppose-ably'...those people! Argh!! It's supposedly..no 'b' anywhere in the word...and yet...you say it! How about across-ed. I don't know what to do with you guys...it's just across. Any way you would like to use it...it's across. And lastly, anywheres- this place doesn't exist. Anywhere does, but anywheres does not.

This could go on for a while...so I'll stop here!

Albert Einstein once said. . .

"The thing that sometimes makes me hazy, is am I or the others crazy?"

It's all relative isn't it? He was an extraordinary character. Even his 'Theory of Relativity' defied conventional thinking. He stood out in a crowd of people who were afraid to think differently. And he was ridiculed for it. What it must have been like to stand up and say that a belief that has been accepted as correct for so many years -was wrong!
Without him we wouldn't have known that E=mc2. He also told us about quantum light- the theory that light travels in little packets and always at a constant rate- regardless of where in space or earth it is. He also proved the existance of the atom. You know the saying "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction" -Einstein again!
I'm sure all of you have asked this question before "Why is the sky blue?", but did you know that Einstein was the only person who actually answered it!? He did all of this by the time he was 26 and breaking new ground every time he released his findings.
Then there's the "String Theory". The concept is that everything is connected. As it stands, string theory is unproved, and perhaps unprovable, as it involves interactions at energy levels far beyond any we can handle. But to those versed enough in the language of math to follow it, it is beautiful. And in its beauty, it honours its creator.
Yet we called him simple. For half of his life, we told him that he would never become anything, and for the second half, we praised his work. The ideas he started have no end, and some we haven't even been able to grasp. He was a radical and ahead of his time. It's no wonder, that he felt the need to write: "The thing that sometimes makes me hazy, is am I or the others crazy?"

"Fish will be the last to discover water."

Has anybody heard this statement before? It's one of my favourites. Fish will be the last to discover water. This is true for everybody. You get used to your environment. You stop seeing what is right in front of you, unless it changes. A fish, for instance, would have to jump above water to notice air. Everybody needs to be momentarily displaced in order to appreciate what they have.
Living near Niagara Falls, and being able to see it everyday- you stop looking at it. You curse the traffic that slows you down while you try to get to work. You laugh at all the tourists who are lined up against the rails taking photos. The roar from the water becomes just another background noise to your ears. We take it for granted.
But if we stopped and looked, we'd see the wonder and amazement on the people's faces. Who are we to judge? Maybe they come from the Gobi desert, or the Sahara? Or just a country, region, or town that is land-locked, and they have never seen such a wonder? We are just fish, swimming around, staying underwater- it takes only one of us to jump out and notice air to effect change.

Reincarnation

This is a concept that really intrigues me. The idea that you move through the stages of life in a never ending cycle. Can you stop? Do you get to choose who you come back as? Is it an endless loop: born, live, die, born again without a break? Perhaps you get some time to refect on the life you just led, and carfeully select your next one? Maybe that look on a baby's face when they open their eyes for the first time isn't a look of wonder or amazement. Maybe it's a look that says "Oh shit! I'm here again!"
The purpose of reincarnation, or so we are to believe, is to learn valuable life lessons. But if we forget them, what's the purpose? I'm supposed to believe that my sub-conscious has a faint memory of what once was and why I'm back for round two? or round 310! My conscious can't even rememeber what I had for lunch on Saturday, and it's only Tuesday. How can I expect to learn, remember and apply life's lessons in my 'new' life to make it better!
Can you cycle through different types of life as well? From an ant, to a bear to a human? If that's the case, why would you choose to come back as an ant! Appreciating the struggle of life is a good lesson, but not at the risk of getting stepped on! I wonder if you were a cop your whole life, a good cop, a happy cop...I wonder if you would come back as a criminal the next time. Just to see both sides. If you can choose, why aren't we all happy people? You did it to yourself!
I read somewhere that the earth rotates at 1300 km an hour. Does jumping into a new life feel like a marble being thrown onto the roulette wheel? Do you bounce around a bit then settle on a body? Is it like calling out "Red 14" and you stay with winner as their new child? Is it random?
Can you pre-select who you'd like to be the next time around? More importantly, do you re-live the same set of events through a new characters eyes? Or is every time around a whole new stage, with new characters that you have to meet and interact with.
I wonder if you can tailor it to your taste. If you had the choice- what would you choose?

Alright, alright...she got me

Ladies and Gentlefolk...here today we have a great announcement to make! Pay attention because I am only saying this once: After some heavy betting on the part of You-can't-take-my-pinkies and some major raising by me (still nameless)... You-can't-take-my-pinkies was victorious!

Now I'm talking HEAVY betting...like lots and lots of dollars on the table...we even had Resident-Adviosr come in to watch our antics...she was giddy with excitement! It was fair, I lost and she won. But man-o-man to watch her jump up and down and count her chips! It totally made up for the HUGE loss suffered by me.

So yes, ladies and gentlefolk.. You-can't-take-my-pinkies got me!

No worries, a rematch is to follow. . .

Chaos

Wasn't my intent to off-orbit the planets,
And I really didn't mean to move the stars,
I just thought Venus would look prettier
If it were right up next to Mars.

Karma

Who believes in Karma? Is anybody really motivated to do good acts, hoping that karma will bless them and make some obsure point in their future easier? The theory is that karma will bless you three times over. So does that mean for every good act I commit, karma will grant me three easy passes for life's crazy moments? Or is it that for every good act, I get one whopper of a good deed done to me? Is it on a point system? How do you know if you owe karma, or if karma is looking for some payback? Will karma call you like pesky debt collecters? "Uh, excuse me..yes you, this is karma calling, I helped you out last week with that not-enough-money-for-the-coffee-you-really-needed, but I just checked, and you owe me." What would you do? Would you rush out and throw your coat over a puddle then force some lady into a cab? Or toss some coins into the blind guy's cup? If it's forced, is it really karma? Or just guilt?
More importantly, can you loan people karma? "Hey David! This is Samantha, uhh.. I know you have some karma saved up, can you transfer some over to me...I'm in a bit of trouble... I promise to kick some karma back..." Then, if David lends you karma do his points tripple? It should! He just did a good deed! Or does he win the lottery without even buying a ticket! Now that would be some cool karma.
It goes without saying, that if there's good karma, then there must be bad karma. You can't have one without the other. It's just like ying and yang right? A little bit of black on white to match the little bit of white on black, and they fit together so well you know it's a perfect match. So, if I'm having a really bad day, instead of calling it a bad day, I can just say "give me a break! Karma's kickin' my ass!" In fact, I do use that saying...and I'm not sure I believe in karma! Does that make me lose points? I wonder if there's a national register for karma points. Is it like American Express points that I can cash in for fun things?
Can you use karma as a cash register? Save up a whole bunch of acts until crunch time, then go out and blow it on one big 'easy' pass! Why not! Is there karma police? And if there was, what did they do to earn that job for eternity? Can you imagine the headache that job would be? Six billion people (give or take) breathing on this planet! The workload involved in keeping those numbers straight must be exhausting!
How about we just 'leave it up to Karma' to sort this out. I think I see a puddle I can jump in: I'll lose a few points if I splash somebody, but gain a few if I water a flower...here's to Karma!

The Slinky!

"It walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, it makes a slinkity sound". Now that your humming the rest of the song, I will say that it was the best toy ever made. Although 'made' is probably reaching a bit. I'm pretty sure a truck filled with springs lost it's load and the company made it a game to get the civilians to help clean up! Or maybe a spring-factory made a whole bunch that were too loose and the springs started going haywire on the conveyer belts. So instead of wasting a shipment, they pitched it to us un-suspecting folks as a new toy! "Look!" they said, "they walk down stairs!"
I mean, could you even imagine the slinky being marketed in 2005 for the first time? They'd ban the steel ones right away, and everybody who ever played with the plastic ones knows that although they were much cooler to look at, they just didn't slink right. And they didn't make that slinkity noise! Of course, the new 'improved' 2005 slinkies would have to- I don't know, light up, or make some cooler animated noise. Just to keep up. I saw an animated dog- made from the shape of a cell phone- that lit up, and barked and sang music!! Who knew dogs could sing? I was looking at it rather terrified, trying to figure out what it does...and this kid zinged past me yellin' about how "cool" it was. I must be getting old- I had to read the box to see how it works!
The slinky was virtually indestructable. I mean, even when your mean friend/uncle/cousin stretched it out...all it took was some patience while an adult tightened the spring up again. Who can fix a new toy that fast? Parents today almost have to buy 2 of the child's favourite toy, so they can make a quick switch-a-roo when the first one breaks!
The added bonus of the slinky being that it doesn't require batteries, it has no small moving parts, and the kids will occupy themselves! Even if you don't have a set of stairs (who??!) all your child needs is their own 2 hands...or one hand and a counter top, or chair bottom! I used to go all over the house trying to find what it would walk down from. I'll bet that cell-phone-shaped-music-singing-dog can't do that! Or occupy your child's time like a slinky!
It could be suggested that the slinky was an educational toy as well, since it relied on gravity to walk. So when your child put it on a level surface all it did was sit there and wait. Making your child use their deductive reasoning skills to find an un-even surface for it to move from. Hmm.. I wonder how many 'brilliant' minds had a slinky when they were kids?
So, I might be streching it a bit with that last one, but all the toys made today are going to do for your child is make them blind (too many lights you know!) and deaf (way too loud!). So what harm could it do? Pick up a slinky! Have fun with the greatest toy ever made!!

Poker- Part Two.

I know everybody is waiting with baited breath to hear the rest of the poker saga. Yes, it has become a saga! Threats were uttered, chips were taken, promises were made for redemption! It was so much fun!!! Husbands were being informed of the loss of their homes, as the chips changed hands.

As a quick review..the game players tonight were: You-can't-take-my-pinkies, Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up?, You're-not-doing-that-right, I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing, and me. I still don't have a name *sad face* but I'll ask around and see what the other players can come up with. The new player couldn't make it..I'm assuming because of the wacky weather we had this evening, and I'm-all-in was a no-show. Of course, also wandering around the house was the Resident-Advisor and Snacks-a-lot, as well as You-can't-take-my-pinkies husband, who prefers to remain nameless.

Ok, so the chips were divided and the games began. The betting started off slow, just feeling out eachother's rythm and getting a feel for the cards. Well, that sounds really professional, it was more like, explaining the cards each round and reminding the players what spreads were actual poker spreads! That's when the wonky betting started! It was red and pink chips being used like candy! It was as if somebody popped a balloon full of confetti the bet was so colourful!

Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up? lost her chips, and I refilled her pile on the sly, then right out in the open, as a matter of fact, if I recall correctly (and I do!) she blatantly took my chips to bet with one round! Things got so crazy that You're-not-doing-it-right was having pink envy! She was getting all depressed because her pink pile was pretty low! That's because of the constant naggin from You-can't-take-my-pinkies. You know, she bet like 3 pink chips one round, and lost them...for the next few minutes all I heard from her was 'I feel gross! I can't believe I lost those pinkies!'

All in all, fun was had by the group, and promises were made for next weeks game. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens then!

A Friendly Game of Poker

For anybody who is involved in my daily activities, you would know that I have established a weekly "Poker Night". Now, before anybody get's excited, it's a ladies poker night, complete with pink chips and a 'diva' deck of cards- and to add insult to injury (the poker world will never be the same after us!) we are also just beginning! So we have been known to bend, break and otherwise completely forget some of the rules, but hey..that's allowed we're girls! I've even created a 'cheat sheet' with card spreads that you must make to win. Our weapon of choice is Texas Hold'em. So far..it's been a blast! And we must be doing something right. Our weekly game attracks new players each week.

So I think today is a perfect time to introduce the players. Now, I have a habit of re-naming people to give them more accurate titles, for example recently on a trip to Italy I felt the need to rename afew of my fellow travelers. Let's see, I met "Snaps-a-lot" and his wife, "Herb-a-life" and oh! who could forget "Thank Goodness" and his "Man-Friend"!! But I digress, back to the poker players.

First up we have "You-can't-take-my-pinkies": she's referring to her pink chips-the ones worth the most! She is the worst bluff EVER in poker..she only bets the aforementioned pinkies when she's got a good hand and wants to win some of my pinkies.

Then we have "Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up?": she's the best at trying to keep all her chips. She hates to bet- you'd think we were pulling her teeth! One of us has to keep an eye on her at all times! She likes to play lost too..her favourite questions are "what's the bet at?" and "I have to bet how much?" The worst part is..I ended up sliding her some of my chips to keep her in the game most nights. Trust me "You-can't-take-my-pinkies" wasn't going to help her out at all!

We also have "You're-not-doing-that-right": we allow her to say this because unlike the rest of us, she actually knows what she's talking about. Her son is a poker dealer. Now if only we can get him to sit in on a round or two, we'd be set!

We have "I'm-all-in": she likes to raise the bet by sliding in all her chips and waiting (hoping?) for everybody to fold. In theory it's a smart move, but since none of us actually know what we are doing, nobody wants to lose all their chips in the first round. All that happens is that everybody folds, and we have to wait to deal again. Then we have to make "Guess-who-forgot-to-ante-up" ante up again, and she wants to know 'why?' since she 'just did!'.

Up next is "I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing": we remind her that we don't either! She's a good sport, and she has a decent pile of chips at the end of the night, so she's doing something right. We're just happy she makes the weekly trek out!

There's also "me". I don't have a cute name yet. I must be quirk-free! I'm sure the other players would agree *turns to smile sweetly to the others* don't you? In all fairness I'm going to wait and see if something happens tonight to earn myself a title. We also have a new player this evening, and I want to add her to the list of characters.

We also have the "Resident-advisor": he wanders by the card game to look (possibly laugh?!) at us, and he'll randomly pass out advise as he walks by. Since he actually is a he , he will only play if we get some 'real chips!'

And who could forget our mascot. For the sake of keeping her identity safe, we shall refer to her as "Snacks-a-lot". That of course being the short form of her full name "Feed-me-treats-or-I'll-bark-uncontrollably-while-you-try-to-ignore-me-by-playing-your-silly-game". But Snacks-a-lot is so cute (and LOUD!) that she gets extra treats, and extra lovin's during the game. Even the "Resident-Advisor" caves and will walk 3 rooms over to grab a treat for her.

I am eagerly awaiting tonights game to finish the cast of characters, and to give a brief description of how the game went. And of course, you know, this posting has to be pink!

Why does the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth?

That's an interesting question...why does it? And who conducts the test to see if this is true? Do they randomly walk around asking people to lick pennies, then while their face is crumpled up in disgust, do they rip out a tooth? Or is it the other way around? Do they stalk dentist offices waiting for the scream of pain that follows a good-tooth-yanking then run in and push a penny in your mouth? Asking you...does it taste the same?! Does it!?
Or is it like those people who hang out in the mall "Would you like to take a survey?" Then they ask you random questions like... do you like peas? Have you ever licked a penny? What did it remind you of?
I wonder if all the people who answer the survey prefer to remain anonymous. I mean who wants to tell anybody that they participated in a penny-tasting anything. Really...can you imagine how that conversation would go? "So Jennifer, what did you do last night?" "What Bob? What do you know? Nothing! I did nothing last night...Certainly nothing that involved licking a penny! What's with the interrogation!" (Jennifer crying and pacing the kitchen). Talk about awkward!
I prefer to remain unaware as to why the taste of pennies remind certain folk *wink wink* of losing a tooth. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

Gotta Love Contraptions!

How did we make it this far without these things! I don't know how I managed to ever peel an apple before this, oh hang on- yes I do- I used a knife.! *Shakes head and rolls eyes* This is guaranteed to save you at least 1 minute a day for the rest of your life! Isn't that wonderful! That is of course, only if you eat an apple a day. So...what are you going to do with your extra minute? Hmmm??
Well, there's this new car commercial out that says their new automatic lights save you 1/5th of a second to spend more time; with your family, sleeping or learning a new language! Well! If you can learn a new language with all the extra 1/5ths of a second your going to have, just IMAGINE what you can do with a whole minute! I mean..you could discover a new planet! Or discredit the theory of relativity! Or better yet! Newton's Law! Seriously...who really believes in gravity anyways? I mean some of the apples had to actually stay on the tree didn't they? Was anybody actually watchin' Newton? Or were they all just peeling their apples, using up their extra minute while they struggle with their knives??

Hot Diggity Dogger

I've found it!! The famed "Hot Diggity Dogger". Now I know some of my family has heard me talk of this wonderful contraption . . . but now I have a photo!
Here it is for all to see!
This wonderful invention allows you to crisp the buns, whilst you cook the dogs! Well Hot Diggity!
And yup, that's a "how toasted do you want your buns" coder on the side...and the pullout tray allows you to rest the dog/bun combo while you put your fixin's on it. . . apparently they only like mustard..but you can add your own!
C'mon...you know you want one!!
I'm still going to find one in Florida.
They have everything in Florida ;o)

Drinking before NOON

Lately I have been doing more highway driving and I gotta say that I'm starting to get irked with some particular driver types. You've all met them from time to time and I've certainly had the pleasure recently, lets see, first up there's the...

OMG I left the stove on: Your house had better be on fire! Why else do you feel the need to weave through each lane of traffic doing 160 km while we waddle like penguins doing 120. God knows we should all move out of your way, excuse us for existing. Then there's the..

How did my bumper get stuck to your bumper: This would explain why you look like you could be kissing my ass. You're so close that I can't even see your licence plate. But what could go wrong, I mean if I have to brake suddenly because the kitchen fire dude has just cut me off you'll be able to see my brake lights --won't you? Oh no you won't because you can't see them, I mean how could you, your bumper is interlocked with mine! How thoughtless of me!

Then there's the 'I read in the paper once that you should drive with your headlights on during the day. SO I WILL!!' which is fine...i do too...but not my HIGHBEAMS! I actually had to put my sunglasses ON to avoid the glare from my rear-view mirror. This guy...see...he was drinking before noon.

Thank-you that is all carry on!

WELCOME

Alright, This is the offical welcome to 'A Hitch in Time'. I am unleashing onto the world some space where everybody can laugh, rant and cry just because! Being the queen of procrastination, this blog has been a long time coming...but it is finally here! So sit back, relax and enjoy...oh! but don't forget to participate...or there's not going to be alot of reading to do!