These will hold you over-

Great Quotes by Great Ladies

Inside every older lady is a younger lady wondering what the hell happened!
- Cora Harvey Armstrong-

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.-
Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-

I'm sorry!

I know...everybody has come to check what brilliant words I'll write this week, and each day you find not what you seek.

Ok so I can't rhyme. I never said I could. With the new job and traveling, it's been hard to squeeze time in, but I promise, new stuff is on my palm ( I wrote it during lunch today!) so as soon as I sync it to my computer it will be posted.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I really appreciate it!

I know you've been waiting. . .

Didn't go to Florida? Here's what you're missing.

* copied from St. Catharines Standard by William Thomas

Florida - "The Sunshine State" is a peninsula surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico and populated by the freakiest people this side of Saturn. In a state that spawns more bizarre behaviour than an albino rhino on a date-rape drug, last week Florida crossed the line of wierdness.
No, it wasn't the burglar in Jacksonville who returned to the scene of the crime to retrive his wallet or the two thieves in Pensacola who stole a car from a gas station and returned an hour later for a fill up, or even the guy in Key West who robbed a bank with a pitch fork.
It wasn't the drunk in Monroe County who streaked across a parking lot and hopped into a friend's car, but got the wrong car, or even the guy who attended a Jacksonville costume party as a Drunk Man in a beer can suit and got so intoxicated he wound up in a fist fight with the Green Hornet.
No, it wasn't the police in St. Petersburg who handcuffed an unruly five-year-old in front of her kindergarten class, or even the gun-weilding police in Broward County who burst into the middle of a funeral ceremony to arrest the deceased's grandson, but got the wrong guy.
It wasn't the church in Jacksonville where they banned low-hanging pants and gold-capped teeth, or the church in Port Charlotte where the minister had police arrest 16 members of his congregation who refused to stop singing so he could begin his sermon.
No, it wasn't at Starbucks in Jacksonville where a customer left a half gram of marijuana as a tip and was arrested when he came back in a day later, or at the home of O.J. Simpson where police arrived on a tip that his girlfriend was beating him up, only to find an illegal satellite hook-up and ordered him to pay $25 000 or even in the women's washroom in Tampa, where two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrrested for assult after having sex in one of the stalls.
It wasn't the 911 calls after hurricane Wilma in which people were cooking inside with charcoal grills, falling off roofs while doing repairs, pouring gasoline into generators while they were still running and putting cigarette lighters down into gas tanks in order to see the fuel levels.
It's wasn't that non-native Burmese python in Miami that swallowed a 15 pound Siamese cat, or the one that ate a six-foot-long alligator, then burst open, or the one that slithered into a barn and swallowed a turkey but was caught because it couldn't fit back through the slates in the poultry pen.
And it wasn't the woman stopped at customs with an endangered parrott concealed in her bra, or even the 93 year old man who pulled up to a toll booth on Interstate 275 in St. Petersburg with a dead body lodged in his windsheild...but we're getting very, very close.
No, not the off duty cop who saved a cat by shooting the dog that was chasing it, or even the woamn who shot the neighbour's Chihuahua, saying she was afraid it might attack her.
No, the big hand on the clock of strange struck midnight Thursday, Feb. 9th when Customs and Border Protection screeners at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport stopped 30 year old Myrlene Severe, a U.S. resident returning from her native Haiti.
I imagine the conversation went something like this. . .
"Any tobacco or alcohol?"
"No."
"Firearms?"
"No."
"Citrus fruit or exotic plants?"
"No."
"You don't have a parrott in your bra because that lady over there..."
"No."
"Wild guess: you wouldn't happen to have a human head in your bag, would you?"
"Could you be a little more specific?"
Myrlene Severe is facing charges of failing to declare a human head and transporting hazardous material in air commerce, which carries a penalty of 15 years in prison if convicted.
The head, with teeth, hair and skin still intact, was to be used in a voodoo ceremony to ward off evil spirits. So said the holder of the head.
I suppose she could say she just forgot to declare the human head because she became distracted by the woman in line in front of her whose left breast kept screaming "Polly Wanna Cracker>"
Police were unable to identify the victim. However they did confirm that although he visited Haiti the previous week, it was not the head of Brad Pitt. They don't make bags that big.
And it wasn't O.J. Simpson's head because what comes around doesn't go around that quickly.
And it wasn't that of newly elected President Rene Preval, because it was just a human head and not a head of state.
Police back in Haiti have been told to be on the look out for a man walking around in a confused state with no place to but his ball cap.
You know, once, upon re-entering Canada, I smuggled in an extra bottle of scotch and by the time I got to the Custom's counter, my palms were so sweaty I could hardly keep a grip on my bag.
I don't think I could get away with smuggling in a human head. I'd be a mess- I'd have to declare it.
"OK, no cigars, no contraband, anything at all to declare?"
"Ah, well...what do you mean?"
"I mean do you have anything on you that you'd like to declare?"
"Ah, well...yeah. You see, I got some guy's noggin in my backpack, but before you get all uptight about it, I have been out of the country for more than seven days, the head has a valid passport clipped to one ear and I won't be taking it to visit a farm any time soon."
"Okay, go ahead."
Florida- Disney World for deviants.

Gotta love Post Secret

Oh Canada!

Now that Vancouver is to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are jokes, and the questions are hilarious; but sadly the questions were really asked.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a product like the fountain of youth. Can it be sold Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (UK)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegans. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

So True.

Life is never so bad that it can't all of a sudden get worse.
- Calvin & Hobbes (Bill Watterson).

:More Secrets:

What??

My chances against pneumonia are great!

This guy might have a good chance against pneumonia, if that was his problem.

He looks like he's having a massive heart attack. Or his wife's meatloaf keeps repeating on him.

I think he's having an acute anaphylactic reaction to the decor.Who puts an ass (pardon me, I meant donkey), complete with a saddle, on their end table as a decoration?

The child will need theraputic counseling for years after this traumatic attempt at fever assessment.


Do you know, when somebody tells me they think they are running a fever, I instinctively feel their forehead and then I take their temp? As you do too...admit it!

I have no doubt that the first humans did the same thing. I imagine this scene, set in a pre-historic cave:
Caveman: "Feel hot!"
Cavewoman: "No. Have pain in head."
Caveman: "Not that. Skin hot!"
Cavewoman: "Me feel face." (Puts hand on forehead.) "Skin hot. Eat two of berries. Call giver of health when light comes."
Caveman: "Me sick. No care for self. Must have all things done for me."
Sorry guys, but some things never change.

Of course...this is the fever in me talking now! So I'll stop here!

PostSecret

So I'm involved with this project called PostSecret.
PostSecret allows people to get a secret or experience off their minds without actually telling the person. It's very therapeutic. The rules are very simple. You are invited to anonymously contribute your secrets to PostSecret. Each secret can be a regret, hope, funny experience, unseen kindness, fantasy, belief, fear, betrayal, desire, feeling, confession, or childhood humiliation. Reveal anything - as long as it is true and you have never shared it with anyone before. Create your 4-by-6-inch postcards out of any mail-able material. Only one secret per postcard. Put your complete secret and image on one side of the postcard.
It's been working pretty well...there are many postcards coming in. Here are some examples:

- on the back it read "Don't worry I don't work there any more."-on the back it read "But I cant. And in two months I graduate from seminary."

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