Where to start...

What a summer. It is almost Thanksgiving and I haven't posted anything new in a while.. I've written some new poetry so I will be posting that soon. Everything is done with pen and paper these days...

BiPolar

As soon as the movie opened, the haunting Spanish melody held me trapped. The classic melody with all the passion in the springs- was typical for Spain. That flamenco music is all about the love/hate relationship that we have with each other , as people, and music itself. When Carlos stopped playing and explained how his life is cyclical. A period of normal which allows him to function, then a high period where he can’t function, and a low where he can’t function.
It’s difficult to imagine somebody who can create music as beautiful as Carlos did, has a hard time dealing with life. It takes much practise, dedication and skill. It is hard to imagine that such discipline occurs only in one part of his life. It’s hard to imagine that he has manic days, or high days for that matter.
Watching this movie and watching Carlos made me aware of my own bias on people with bipolar disorder. I guess I always assumed that they were incapable of such luxuries (like music). I guess I thought they spent so much of their day just trying to stay above water, to stay on top of their game, that they didn’t participate in activities. I never realised how naïve my preconceptions were.

Oxy-Morons...

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

where was i going with this...

For achieving anything in life, two things are essential: firm faithand pure love.
People should not think that pleasure and pain are caused by some external forces. They aren't, they are the result of one's own thoughts.

Women: The Witch Trials to Today

Women today who live against the norm are perceived as different and wild. Even women who chose to have a career instead of a family are identified. A successful businesswoman who is single and over thirty draws as much attention today as a medicinal healer did in the fifteenth century. We question her values, her motives and even her sexuality. Society breaks down the intricate details of her life to prove that at the core she is deficient.
There is a social stigma attached to the female gender. In Paganism women were revered, women were the lifeblood of not only the people, but the world. Women were so honoured that we called our land ‘Mother Earth’. There were many goddesses’ available who assisted in different stages and aspects of life. Even as early as the Ancient Romans and Greeks: Nefertiti, Cleopatra, Venus, Nike. These women were celebrated at harvest to bring good crops, and appeased with offerings should bad weather befall the community.
Even with the birth of Christianity, with the amalgamation of Paganism to the new Roman Catholic faith women were revered. Ever went looking for eggs in the early spring? Ever place gifts beneath a tree? These were all pagan rituals to appease female deities. This was not acceptable to a new male-dominated society. The Church kept only one woman sacred, and tarnished the others. Even Mary Magdalene was given the label first of a prostitute, then as a friend of Jesus who has been saved by his grace. The Church has even gone so far as to say that women have pains during childbirth because ‘we’ tempted Adam from the Garden of Eden, and anybody who assisted in taking away those pains used the hands of the devil.
It is evident in today’s society that the men in power still perceive women as the lesser sex. Women are the tainted gender forever able to lure the devil and corrupt men. The men in power have been saying this for so long that even women have begun to believe them. Women are beaten and abused daily by loved ones, and when asked why they didn’t leave sooner the common response is that they ‘deserved it’ and ‘he really does love me”.
Our elders are abandoned, their chatter seen as useless. We don’t pass stories from generation to generation. We don’t share family histories in oral tradition. We don’t know how to cure common aliments. Our grandmothers are not even used to raise the grandchildren, unworthy even of that!
Young females who prefer to live alone, or are self-sufficient are targeted. There must be something wrong with her? Why hasn’t she found a man? What is she waiting for? She won’t be of much use for much longer. Her child-bearing years are behind her, all she has left to live for are her cats. Statements like these are all too common. Sub-consciously we use them to judge others. If we can prove that she is less worthy, we can justify her fate.
Isn’t it bad enough that during the fourteen hundred’s, Mrs. Smith (the miller’s wife) accused Mrs. Jones (the baker’s wife) of cursing the crops, today women have honed their skills and can attack each other just as easily. We attack each other with just as much vehemence and usually we don’t even require a reason! At least they had bad crops to blame in the fifteenth century!
Until we ban together as women, standing together in solidarity and not playing a ‘man’s game’ or ‘wearing the pants’ we as a gender will never move forward.

The Image of Women Today

In society today strong parallels can still be seen between how we regard women now and during the 1400’s. With the new united Catholic Church, the great stomping out of religions commenced. This meant that anybody still practising paganism had to be stopped. This should serve as a warning: this is what happens when intolerance takes over society.
Unfortunately for women, being a pagan meant that you were in tune with Mother Earth. The cultivation of medical herbs was par for the course. Using herbs and spices for ailments, to ease birth pains and salve irritations. Traditional role for women would have been to: cook, clean, rear children and animals, as well as tend to any man/woman/child that fell ill. Paying homage to the various god/goddesses to thank for the blessing of a good crop, good stock, or happy marriage would have been acceptable practises in paganism. The Church had enlightened, holy men who could do this (albeit for a fee) so women had to be stopped. The Church was so intent on breaking the control of women they even tarnished the roles of females in the Bible—not to leave anyone out!
Women were regarded as the temptress, the seductress, a direct link to the devil and most of all not to be trusted. A great shame befell women. In some cultures today they are still regarded as second to men. Women are encouraged to cover up, in some countries forbidden to show skin, lest they tempt men. In some countries, women are to walk ten paces behind her husband, brother or father. Women are publicly stoned to death in some parts of the world, unworthy even of dying with dignity.
Women were persecuted for no reason other than living alone, mental illness, cultivation of medicinal herbs or simply because they were falsely accused. What an ultimate act of male dominance! The is a stigma still today that gives the illusion that old people are of no use to society- so they might as well be locked away. We don’t see active, inventive, inspiring seniors. Philosophers from Ancient Greece or Rome were seniors, and they were revered! Society didn’t question seniors; they didn’t think they were deranged and senile. Why do we?
If we don’t learn from our collective past, what is the point of keeping a record? If we don’t change our perspective we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

For Anthony

I Carry Your Heart With Me

I Carry Your Heart In My Heart
I Carry It With Me.
I Am Never Without It
Anywhere I Go You Go,
I Fear No Fate
I Want No World
For You Are My World
My True

You Are Whatever A Moon Has Always Meant
And Whatever A Sun Will Always Sing
This Is The Wonder That's Keeping The Stars Apart
I Carry Your Heart
I Carry It In My Heart

--adapted from the poem by Ee Cummings

ambitions

"Some like to live within the comfort of church or chapel bell, i want to run a rescue centre within a yard of hell."

UNDO

The "UNDO" button.

Probably the greatest invention of the 20th century. Forget Spaceflight, forget the Human Genome Project, forget the Internet, even forget the iPod. The UNDO button has saved many a plebian from starting all over again.

But have you ever wished your Cellphone had an UNDO button? Like when you've sent an SMS and two seconds later thought....."OH! Shit! What have I done?!" Of course let's say that NEXT-NEXT Generation Cellphones came up with an UNDO button, there would of course be no Network Operator that would support that service. (Neverthe-less they-ed use it as a selling point, much like TV companies are selling HDTV to a market that doesn't need or support it as yet!) Because frankly, you just can't UNDO life.

What should have an UNDO button, but doesn't, is relationships.
Relationships are difficult, treacherous to navigate, and just when you think you're finally sailing in safe waters, you run aground. And once you've got yourself stuck, well that's it! Things will never be the same again. That ship has sailed. Unless you have an UNDO button.

BUT, If you could press UNDO, what guarantee is there that if you chose a different route, you still would not end up in the same place? Washed up on the shore....

You know when people say that if they had to do something over again, they wouldn't do it differently? I think they're lying. I think there is always something you would do differently.I just wish I had that damn UNDO button....I'd undo all that time I spent on Facebook.

a shift is in the wind...

Here's the scoop- there is lots of poetry on this page, and people are complaining so i'm moving the poetry over to http://just-brain-fluff.blogspot.com so everybody can stop telling me they don't want poetry on this page...


sheesh! the things i do to make people happy

oh and paul-- that story you wanted to read about the apple peeler "Gotta love contraptions" and the pennies "why does the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth?" and that quote from albert einstein- they are all in november of '05- so just click on the sidebar (gutter as you call it) under "history pile" and click on november 2005.

Enjoy reading the oldies (but goodies!!)

A Birthday Bash

Thank you to EVERYBODY for making my day a special one. Next year as I hit the big 30!! I am planning a thirty-day-party starting on October first and ending with the big bash 30 on the 30th.

Don't makes plans for next October :) You won't want to miss this!!!!!!!!

If you ever feel a bit stupid....

If you ever feel a little stupid, just dig this up and read it again;
you'll begin to think you're a genius .

• On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
• "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey
• "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
• "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett , Universityof Kentucky basketball forward.
• "Outside of the killings, Washingtonhas one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"-- Mayor Marion Barry , Washington , D.C.
• "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"--A congressional candidate in Texas.
• "Half this game is ninety percent mental."-- Philadelphia Philliesmanager, Danny Ozark
• "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."-- Dan Quayle
• "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"-- Lee Iacocca
• "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein ." -- Joe Theisman , NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
• "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman , ROTC Instrutor
• "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
• "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."-- Keppel Enderbery
• "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."-- Mark S. Fowler , FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?

Almost There

This may be one of the most iconic paintings around (and if you don't know it...I'm rolling my eyes at you right now!) it is also very symbolic of me and my life, right now. I feel like I'm almost there.
Almost. What a strange word. It can be used in almost every situation- see what I did there? ;) Almost done. Almost finished. Almost on time. Almost. After pushing and straining and struggling 'almost' seems to be the only word to describe it. When do I get to drop the 'almost'? I just want to be there. There seems like a good place. The people who are there, they made it through almost- and i'm jealous. I should be almost jealous, but almost doesn't work that way. The there-people, I wonder if they look back as us people stuck in almost and laugh. They sure as hell aren't giving advise or helping us! They must be having a party. I wonder if when I get there, will I join in the festivites? Or turn around and help pull some people free of almost.

I guess we'll never know, we'll have to wait and see. I can almost tell.

Use Your VOICE

Words-

I need new words,
It’s as if everything that I know has been used up.
I’m stuck, in muck that is so insatiate,
breaking free of the constraints of this meaningless-ness
is too hard to fathom.
Too hard to do.
I want… something new.

untitled

Strangers -
words -
or texts -
all presuming to know me.

I’m masquerading as a dream catcher
yet I’m chasing dreams that don’t fit anywhere.

Tantrum

The road’s still moving,
Stumbling along-
re-evaluating
the things I thought mattered.

My trust issues
and broken dreams.
Do I want too much?

Again?

What is meant to be will be...

Life has a funny way of working it's way out.

Today I think that all the tears, and all the suffering really are something that we had to go through, but no matter what, whatever is meant to be will be. I feel like just taking a back seat, and waiting to see what happens, but I can't, because I still believe that we are the makers of our own destiny, but where is destiny going to lead us?

That I don't know right now, but hopefully soon I will.

Truth, it's so important, I just never had the strength to tell it. Who can say which is truth and which is the lie anyway. Nobody's impartial. Each view is somebody's lie.

I can't see too far ahead, but what I see now is not pretty...hopefully soon it will be pretty.

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD..

Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit. Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
Spread the word, that is, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit! Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head........... Well, Shit Happens!!!

--taken from an old email

At Least We Have Paris!

I’m sitting at a bar having a drink. The bar’s around the corner from my house. It has decent food and cute waiters. Talk about convenient.
The outside tables are crowded with people getting drunk and smoking cigarettes. I notice many of the revelers are wearing business attire. Most of them look like they came in after work and never left. I glance at my watch. It’s now ten o’clock. I don’t envy the hangovers these guys will be nursing tomorrow. I take a sip and look up at the TV. The talking heads are jabbering about Paris Hilton.
“I can’t believe they let that bitch out,” the white haired fellow sitting next to me yells. “What kinda justice is that?”
“C’mon,” his drinking buddy says. “My brother had almost the same rap and they let him out of county in four days. They didn’t treat her any different.”
“She got out early ‘cause she’s loaded,” the first man stammers, slapping his hand against the mahogany bar. “She’s doin’ house arrest in a mansion.”
“If I know cops, that sheriff just wanted her out of his hair.”
“She should do the time!” the white haired man yells. “Justice shouldn’t be different for the rich.”
‘Whatcha gonna do?” his friend says, shrugging.
“Whadda you think?” the white haired man asks, poking me with his elbow.
“Brother,” I reply, “I’d be just one more opinion in a sea of opinions.”
“Well, tell us yours.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“The ladie’s enjoying her drink,” the white haired man’s friend says. “Leave her alone.”
“No,” the white haired man says, whisky induced belligerence shading his voice. “I want to hear what she has to say.”
“You really want to know my opinion?” I ask.
”Yeah.”
“How many soldiers got killed in Iraq today?”
“I don’t know,” the man replies.
“How many people died in Darfur today?”
“I don’t know.”
“But everyone knows Paris Hilton’s out of jail. “
“Yeah.”
“Doesn’t that strike you as fucked up?”
“I guess so.”
“That’s what I think gentleman,” I say, pushing my glass to the edge of the bar. “Everything’s fucked up.”
The men stare at me and say nothing. That’s me — the life of the party! It's been one of those days.I leave the bar and go home. I could have been more polite but those guys were drunk and I’m in no mood to talk to drunks. When I get home I flop down on the couch and turn on the TV. The chattering classes are still wagging their tongues about Paris Hilton. Disgusted I turn off the TV.
I’m not mad at Paris. I’m mad at whatever dynamic makes the media latch onto a hotel heiress’s minor legal troubles at the expense of other, more newsworthy stories. Giving the people what they want I guess.
I sigh to myself. The media’s always been playing this game. It’s been going on since the first newspapers rolled off Gutenberg’s printing press. If Paris Hilton isn’t the one making headlines it’’ll be some other whipping boy like Mel Gibson, Rosie O’Donnell, Alec Baldwin, Pat O’ Brien, or David Hasselhoff — anything to distract us from what really matters.
I guess, when you think about it, we’ll always have someone like Paris.